Genogram

my genogram

Through creating my genogram, I noticed recurring patterns of conflict through the generations, but also an important pattern of growth and eventual resolution. In several relationships, conflict did not remain fixed it evolved over time and resulted in healing and change.

For example, my mother strongly believed people could not change, and this belief shaped our relationship. We were estranged for 10 years. However, through my own personal growth and reflection, we were eventually able to reconnect and the conflict dissolved. Similarly, my parents did not speak for 28 years, in the final eight months of my mother’s life they were able to resolve many of their unresolved issues. They were at peace with each other when she passed, which was a powerful example of late-life reconciliation.

In contrast, I see a different pattern emerging in the next generation. My children are very skilled at resolving conflict and communicating openly. Reflecting on this, I recognise that much of my adult life has involved actively working on my childhood trauma and relational patterns. As I did this work, my parenting behaviours changed, and my children witnessed and experienced that shift. The genogram helped me see how intentional change can interrupt intergenerational cycles and create healthier relational models.

The process was both touching and affirming. It showed me that while patterns are there, they are not fixed. Growth, repair, and conscious effort can reshape family dynamics over time. This insight deepened my compassion for my family history and strengthened my belief in the possibility of change both personally and professionally.

What I learned about myself through this process is that I can genuinely relate to every person I am connected to in my family system. Seeing the relationships mapped visually helped me feel a deeper sense of empathy and understanding for each person’s experiences, strengths, and struggles. It reminded me that everyone is shaped by their context and history.

This insight highlighted how powerful the genogram can be as a counselling tool. Experiencing it personally allowed me to appreciate how it can support clients in developing compassion for themselves and their families, while also increasing awareness of patterns and possibilities for change. It also reinforced how valuable self-reflection is in my own development as a counsellor. Using this tool helped me see that personal insight and professional practice are closely connected, and that the more I understand my own system, the more grounded and empathetic I can be when supporting others.